imy

change aint soo good

i did something that i shouldnt have done.. i was hella scared but its all good. i was told not too but u knoe what fuck it! i did it and it was the first step and it felt good and im okay with that!!!
these days have already turned into weeks already and it killing me. i hope it kills you to honestly. i hope everytime you see something of mine i hope u tear up. i hate being in my room. seeing everything you have gotten for me. blah my damn phone too!!! cant this be overrr????????????????????????????????????????? pleasee =( mommy asked how come she hasnt seen you in a while. that hella hurt. i bet its the same for you tho.

i sit here asking my self why am i in the same place i was before?? i thought alll of this was behind us?? =/ i guess it wasnt
honestly i dont want anything for my birthday from anyone. all i want is for you to forgive and forget =( im asking alot but im not sure how much i can take and for you not to be in my life.


im blessed with the best and i miss my best =(

stuck ;(

You said that I could call U whenever I needed some one to listen to me
That's why I'm here standing by your side cause your always come thru for me
Can I be your bestfriend

Pain, since I've lost you, I'm lost too
Nigga feelin' like he at the bottom like a horse shoe
Sorry for the trouble that I put you and your heart through
God knows that I'd do anything for a part two, or to
be prayin' for the day you come back to me, sayin' that you forgive me
Give me another chance, I'm needin' it like a kidney
I don't wanna advance, give me back her hands
Give me back her touch, I don't ask for much
but I fucked up, I know I fucked up, I admit I fucked up
but everybody fuck up, now this other nigga lucked up
Tellin' me and my clique don't give a fuck
Cause um, we from New Orleans, she was from Georgia
She was my down chick, I was her soldier
I was her gangsta, she was my shoulder
You were the pistol to my holster .. BANG!

2010

its a new fresh year?! leave all the bullshit behind??? for some reasons it dosent work out that wayyy..where to begin???? first and for most im thankful to be blessed with my wonderful family. mains,favys,bessfren and my kittys <3 i love each one of you like no other!!! im glad that bj is home from iraq safe and sound God has blessed us to bring him home. Im greatful that some of my friendships are being fixed!!! ive missed you Rick rock =)last year was not the year for us ahahha. im sorry that we have met thee most craziest bitchess and crazy ass liars. nuff said!wishing this year will finally be our year =) weve missed alot in eachothers life and I waas hella sad =( there nothing we can do but move on =)

i once was told by you that im thee best and for that im greatful to have you in my life. weve been fighting for a min now and i cant stand it. i have no clue whyy we continue to bump heads and it hurts for you to say the shit you say to me. youve said the most fucked up thing can ever say to someone. NEVER in my life will i ever pick anyone over anyone!! point blank i love each of you equally!
we need to fix things before they get worse! and i cant stand us being like this its not something i like dealing with!
just knoe you are my bessfren and nothing will ever change that!!!

IM WISHING AND HOPEIN THIS YEAR WILL BE AMAZINGGG AND THE MOST FUNNESTTTT EVER!!!! SOOO THANKFUL FOR EVERYTHING IM BLESSED <3
22ND BIRTHDAY IS COMING IM SOOO EXCITEDDD =)

love hate <3

i wish for things to go back to normal. and yes i mean everything and everyone. this year is byyy far thee craziest and the most unforgetable year. i cant believe all of the drama. the laughs and the tears. ahahahah its crazy. i lovee it but then iam sad. sometimes i feel as if my world has been turned up side down =(
i miss my niggah pretty r. i miss what we use to be. i miss my bff =(i miss our hanging out. i miss our trips to davis.going out each week to lunch and shopping.spending moneyy. laughin till we cry.getting drunk and our drunkin miss calls =( I MISS TOBY =( I MISS US :(
i dont blame anyone for what happen to us. i blames us. but i blame u more haahhaha. im sorry for what youve been put threw also.! trust me i was there and i feel for you i do. you just gotta knoe when to leave =)
old bffs- i miss you girls i really do. its sad that none of us are close anymore. i guess that happen in life?!i only wasnt friends with one then everyone wants to not talk anymore i guess whatever. its just sad that ive always been there for you huys when u needed me and now that im not friends with "her" yall dont wanna talk or be coo? i guess that highschool shit. but i dont really worry bout it no more it was sad a min but then i got over it fast. no need for tears =)

im thankful for my family. mains. favys. team <3 bffiraq. my kitty family.im glad to have each and everyone of you =)

i love my favyss ;)

everything isss alll good life is great =)

hurt..

where do i even begin? huh? really tho. i havent cried this much in a longgg time bacuse my life has been good and healthy. i dont know where my realtionship stands. ive fallen in love with the one person who ive cried soo much about to the point where i cant cry anymore.hes the one person who i thought id be in puppy love with. all i got was court dates, letters and money yanked from me.and them endless tears. he dosent understand that being together takes to people to make shit happen. ive been here for him for way to long and im tired of it.im tired of him not caring for me and making me worry about him 24/7 wondering if hes okay and that if im ever gona see him.being with someone whos not like you at all makes it hella hard to talk about things beacuse you dont see eye to eye. im a very postive person and hes hella neagtive like fuck the world type shit.ive fallen in love with a beast who i hella hope can turn into my prince but it dont look like hes changing anytime soon. oh well love hurts right????????? anyways..

drama with some of my hommies hasnt been the bizzness let me tell you... ive been friends for almost 8 plus years.. and lately its been hella rocky. i just dont understand how ur main just blows up on you for some stupid old drama shit.like yes I know ive done wrong dont get me wrong. i just feel as if my whole friendship has been worth nothing to you. ive never everrr attacked you like you did me. who was stuck by you everyday everynight to be there when u call and cry to me about this or that? ive been here since day one. i knew we are hella diffirent and we had our issues but who dosent? i just can believe after all these years where at this point? where do we go from here? i just cant understand why my sister my bestfriend feels this way to me?! hella unreal bhud. hopefully things will work out and if not no hard feelings right?
i feel bad about how our friendship is falling apart over someshit you did! i do blame you i do. i never ever done nothing more fucked up then what you did to me. i felt as if my bestfriend hella did me dirty. ive never ever touched or disrespected anyone like you did to me.i still cant get over what happen i cant. i forgave but i cant forget. i already have trust issues with people and it just made it 10X harder for me.you are suppose to be my niggah my bestbestfriend my childs god dadddyy shit.i just think this shit is hella unreal. and im hella sad cus i hella feel alone in this shit. i dont want anyone to get into this but what am i suppose to do. im just me and im hellla peaceful loving and forgiving. i miss how close we use to be how we would chill go out to eat shop and party hard and now look at us? were still fighting . i dont want to loose our friendship i dont but it seems so hard to even talk to you. i dont feel as if you really understand how i feel?! if you get what i mean. i feel so stuck like it got better then it just got worse i feel that if i hit rock bottom this month with everything. im sooo stressed my back hurts. im not hungry . im just hella emo but then not emo hahah. i wish things didnt have to happen like this but everything happens for a reason as i was told.





i dont know what to do anymore i dont? i wanna run away from everything and start over! its sad but its how i really feel.i feel so helpless.im sad and im a wreck.
wheres my besstfriend when you need him.. hes in heaven looking down at me telling me this is only a phase in life ...i misss you soo muchh you have no idea.. everyday i wished i could talk to you or just hear your voice to calm me down. i need you soo much it hurts. i need you to be here and to tell me things will be okay..
i misssss you deeply jayyy :'(