hurt..

where do i even begin? huh? really tho. i havent cried this much in a longgg time bacuse my life has been good and healthy. i dont know where my realtionship stands. ive fallen in love with the one person who ive cried soo much about to the point where i cant cry anymore.hes the one person who i thought id be in puppy love with. all i got was court dates, letters and money yanked from me.and them endless tears. he dosent understand that being together takes to people to make shit happen. ive been here for him for way to long and im tired of it.im tired of him not caring for me and making me worry about him 24/7 wondering if hes okay and that if im ever gona see him.being with someone whos not like you at all makes it hella hard to talk about things beacuse you dont see eye to eye. im a very postive person and hes hella neagtive like fuck the world type shit.ive fallen in love with a beast who i hella hope can turn into my prince but it dont look like hes changing anytime soon. oh well love hurts right????????? anyways..

drama with some of my hommies hasnt been the bizzness let me tell you... ive been friends for almost 8 plus years.. and lately its been hella rocky. i just dont understand how ur main just blows up on you for some stupid old drama shit.like yes I know ive done wrong dont get me wrong. i just feel as if my whole friendship has been worth nothing to you. ive never everrr attacked you like you did me. who was stuck by you everyday everynight to be there when u call and cry to me about this or that? ive been here since day one. i knew we are hella diffirent and we had our issues but who dosent? i just can believe after all these years where at this point? where do we go from here? i just cant understand why my sister my bestfriend feels this way to me?! hella unreal bhud. hopefully things will work out and if not no hard feelings right?
i feel bad about how our friendship is falling apart over someshit you did! i do blame you i do. i never ever done nothing more fucked up then what you did to me. i felt as if my bestfriend hella did me dirty. ive never ever touched or disrespected anyone like you did to me.i still cant get over what happen i cant. i forgave but i cant forget. i already have trust issues with people and it just made it 10X harder for me.you are suppose to be my niggah my bestbestfriend my childs god dadddyy shit.i just think this shit is hella unreal. and im hella sad cus i hella feel alone in this shit. i dont want anyone to get into this but what am i suppose to do. im just me and im hellla peaceful loving and forgiving. i miss how close we use to be how we would chill go out to eat shop and party hard and now look at us? were still fighting . i dont want to loose our friendship i dont but it seems so hard to even talk to you. i dont feel as if you really understand how i feel?! if you get what i mean. i feel so stuck like it got better then it just got worse i feel that if i hit rock bottom this month with everything. im sooo stressed my back hurts. im not hungry . im just hella emo but then not emo hahah. i wish things didnt have to happen like this but everything happens for a reason as i was told.





i dont know what to do anymore i dont? i wanna run away from everything and start over! its sad but its how i really feel.i feel so helpless.im sad and im a wreck.
wheres my besstfriend when you need him.. hes in heaven looking down at me telling me this is only a phase in life ...i misss you soo muchh you have no idea.. everyday i wished i could talk to you or just hear your voice to calm me down. i need you soo much it hurts. i need you to be here and to tell me things will be okay..
i misssss you deeply jayyy :'(